Happy Wife, Happy Life

My wife and I will be celebrating our 46th wedding anniversary later this month.

If all goes well.

One key to a happy marriage is doing things together.  As we have aged, some things we do together have changed.  Some have not.  One thing that has not changed is that today we undressed at the same time.  One thing that HAS changed is that today we were in different rooms.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but today we went to the Dermatologist’s office together.  After filling out an abundance of paperwork – much of it legislatively mandated – and having our insurance cards and driver’s licenses scanned and getting photographed, we took our seats in the semi-crowded waiting room.  Across the room, the receptionist hollered “Oh, yeah . . . Do you want to see the Doctor together or separately?”

I sensed the ears of our fellow waiting room inhabitants perking up.

“SEPARATELY!” I hollered back.  Last thing I want when the Doctor is examining me for irregularities is for my wife to be standing there giving her tips on where to look.

Fortunately, we both checked out as fine as possible (in a dermatological respect) for aging baby boomers who have enjoyed years of outdoor activities.  All of our spots were the non-dangerous shade of brown.

Afterwards, we celebrated our good check-ups by stopping for Chinese food at the Mall.  We were undeterred by the multiple police vehicles at the entrance to the Mall, including a large van with CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION in big letters down the side.

“Do you think it’s safe to go in?” asked my wife.  I shrugged my shoulders reassuringly.

Seeing no yellow crime scene tape around the Stir Fry 88 restaurant, we decided to take our chances.  Our orders were promptly taken by a bright 10-year old kid.  We took our seats, scanned the area for a police investigation, and waited for #157 to be called.

Growing up in Springfield, Mo., the cashew chicken capital of the universe, my wife and I have shared many meals of delicious Chinese food together.  Today’s meal was no exception.

Then it was time for the opening of the fortune cookies.

My wife read hers: “Be smart, be intelligent, and be informed”.

“This should be yours” she said, handing it to me.

I then opened mine and read it aloud: “Humans invented language to satisfy the need to complain”.  Disdaining everything I have learned in 46 years of marriage, I said “This should be yours!”

“It’s not complaining if it’s true!” my wife responded, eyeing me with a steely gaze.  “It’s just pointing out a fact!”

(Let the record show – my wife has been “pointing out facts” about me since the Nixon administration.)

And, I admit, they are usually right on the money.

Her momma always told her she could do better than me.

After all these years I’m still glad she didn’t listen.