Back when late night comedians specialized in comedy rather than political commentary, the incomparable Johnny Carson frequently portrayed “Carnac the Magnificent”. Carnac, a mystic from the East, was able to determine the answers to written questions that had been “hermetically sealed inside a mayonnaise jar kept on Funk & Wagnall’s porch for security purposes”. An example:
Carnac the Magnificent: The answer is ‘Sis, Boom, Bah”!
Ed McMahon (unscrewing the lid from a mayonnaise jar and removing a sealed envelope):
And the question is “What sound does an exploding sheep make?”
In the title to this blog, the answer is “Bolt, Lime & Bird”.
The question is “What are three things that might run over you on Fort Lauderdale sidewalks?
Bolt, Lime and Bird are electric scooter brands scattered around downtown Fort Lauderdale (& beach) sidewalks since last November. Lime official reported that 14,000 different riders covered nearly 48,000 miles in just the first 3 weeks the scooters were available.
While some scooter riders use the bike lanes, many others preferred the already busy sidewalks. Scooters have a 15 mph maximum speed and make very little noise, so unless you can run a 4 minute mile you better get used to being startled when these scooters zip around you. One idiot we encountered came at us full speed hollering “OH SHI*************!!!! as if he had lost control only to swerve around us at the last second.
Ha! Ha! (DIPSTICK!)
We encountered entire families on scooters, as well as an older child ferrying a younger child along the crowded streets and sidewalks.
In our car we passed a guy in full business attire -suit & tie – riding a scooter, presumably to work or to an appointment.
My favorite was when my wife and I approached an intersection just as a young woman wearing a thong rode by us on a scooter and stopped for a red light. Her booteus maximus was as unencumbered as the day she was born. I am sorry I didn’t have time to take a picture. You will just have to take my word for it.
Or my wife’s.
Or perhaps that of the lady with a Bronx accent standing beside us staring in wide-eyed amazement who exclaimed “SHE’S GOING TO CAUSE SOMEONE TO RUN INTO A TREE!”
On the positive side, it did seem to make the time pass faster while we were waiting for the light to change.