In case you are wondering about the title of this blog, it means “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” in Cantonese. February 5, 2019 is New Year’s Day on the Chinese calendar. It is the year of the Pig.
I was born in the year of the Rat, as was my first grandson. My wife was born in the year of the rabbit. According to the Chinese, rats and rabbits are not compatible. That, I’m certain, is why upon learning of my intention to marry her daughter, my future wife’s mother advised her “DO NOT MARRY THAT RAT!”
That’s why I didn’t take it personally.
Today my wife and I had carry-out Chinese food to celebrate the Chinese New Year. I was instructed by my bride to “Get some long noodles! They signify long life to the Chinese”. To the Chinese at Stir Fry 88, they signify a $3.25 additional charge. A small price to pay for long life, I suppose.
Our meal included fortune cookies. Opening the fortune cookie is one of my favorite rituals of eating Chinese food. Fortunes can range from optimistic (and boring) like my wife’s “You will be selected for a promotion because of your accomplishments”, to complimentary, like mine – “You are sociable and entertaining”. My favorites are the funny and/or honest ones.
Here are a few of my favorites in that category:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person. They will find an easy way to do it.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Whenever anyone says “theoretically”, they mean “not really”.
Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Nothing is impossible as long as you are not the one that has to do it.
Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!!
Confucius says you suck!
Happiness and success rightly elude you.
Appearances can be deceiving, but you are not fooling anyone.
I cannot help you, for I am just a cookie.
Bite me!
Only a fool would look to a cookie for words of wisdom. And, finally,
That wasn’t chicken!
In closing, 我希望你有一个快乐和无压力的新年！(translation: I hope you have a happy and stress-free New Year!)
The View From the Other Side of the Hill 